1. |
80° Yuletide High
03:51
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It won't snow in December
It won't snow a whole year
It don’t snow at all here
It don't snow at all
Gather the ladder we got at the Sears
Fake felt-y snow, white wire deer
Untangle the garland and icicle lights
Khaki shorts, sleeveless sweater, staple gun and I'm sweatin'
Checkin' the bulbs and checkin' 'em twice
Santa cap, red and yellow; Santa hat perspiration
Dust it off and hang it up and drape it, tape it, tack it
I would love to tell you
"Oh, I could hold you warm at night"
Oh but, Baby, it ain't cold outside
This one's from Tina and this one's for Tina
It's tagged from Aunt Laura under the tree and
This one's "from" and this one's "for"
Wrappings collect for the cat on the floor
Cover your toes, air conditioner’s cold
Cat punctures paper and pounces on bows
Rip it open, rip it open, tear it, tear it, tell it,
I would love to tell you,
“Oh, I could hold you warm at night”
Oh, but, Baby, it ain't cold outside
Oh, an 80 degree Yuletide High
Oh, Baby, it ain’t cold outside
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2. |
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Merry Christmas, St. Nicholas
We caught and dragged him to the back of the lot
Spooner cuffed and gagged him in segments of flannel,
Mr. Bibo’s got a gun to his heart
Cupid, Donder, Dasher and Blitzen were missin’
And we set the rest away to roam
And we were soakin’ Main Street in kerosene cans
Careful not to fall off the roofs we land on
There were wreaths lining the streets,
And we rocked the pavement
Till the damned things fell down
Cause we all had a brand new dance we wanted to share
So we’d share it till they’d smoke us off
Police see what they see
And they’d gas us till we’d cough up and run
And in the run St. Nick somehow
Unbound himself from capture
And he’s like, “Whoa! I got a knife!”
And we’re like, “Whoa, he’s got a knife!”
And he’s like, “Oh, you better run.” And he said,
“Merry Christmas, good riddance, good night
This Christmas, keep your window, shut tight,
Have yourself a happy new year, just know
You won’t evade my ever-open eyes”
She said, “None of this matters,
This little world I think you found yourself in,
Friendship’s often fickle and friends are forgotten
Don’t let it get in your head, my friend.”
And I ask Old Brown, “What’s it translate into—
This little world we got so comfortable in?”
We drink and read a little ‘bout ourselves
And Old Ben’s got a cig to his lips
It’s so ea-easy to leave
Separation’s always been a serenade
Spooner caught a mouthful and he checked out of town
And we all closed our doors in fear of Santa coming ‘round
There were wreaths lining the streets,
And we rocked the pavement
Till the damned things fell down
Cause we all had a brand new dance and nobody cared
And I was hoping they’d come through,
But maybe I’ll be leavin tonight, and I’ll say
“Merry Christmas, good riddance, good night
This Christmas, my window’s shut tight
Merry Christmas, I’m leaving, goodbye
Merry Christmas, good riddance, good night
Have yourself a happy new year, but the time has come
For me to turn away your ever-open eyes”
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3. |
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4. |
Black Friday
00:13
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5. |
Eggnog Milkshake
03:04
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I will buy you a shake
I will buy you a shake
The windshields clear of frost, engine's hot, and the car’s heating up
And when your sweet tooth stops, I will even throw away your cup
It's non-recyclable
It's made of Styrofoam
I buried it in soil
Six feet underneath
The portion of your bed
Where your pillow rings a halo ‘round your head
Go to Sleep, go to sleep
I’ll buy you a shake
I’d give you anything
And before we’re underneath
Six feet of soil
When our blood sugar soars
I will still be yours
I’ll sing "Go to sleep, go to sleep"
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6. |
January 2nd
01:10
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Wind up the lights
Undress the tree
Surround all the bulbs
in paper-towel sheets
Pack me some collards
Keep you black-eyed peas
I’ll drive up and visit
When cash is low in four weeks
Not for Martin Luther King,
I am coming back on Groundhog Day
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Justin Lacy and the Swimming Machine Wilmington, North Carolina
The Swimming Machine runs on combustion. Fill it with fuel – a blend of upright bass, sax, guitar, banjo, mandolin, violin, xylophone and trumpet. To ignite, whistle, shout, and sing. Oxygen is required. Stomp if it gives you any trouble. To get the pistons turning, stir in some tambourines, buckets, shakers, cymbals, spoons, a tin can and as many floor toms as you can get your hands on. ... more
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